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The Confidence Cocktail

  • Writer: Adam Goodman-Smith
    Adam Goodman-Smith
  • Mar 2
  • 3 min read

Confidence is a myth. There. I said it. Confidence does not exist as a thing in and of itself. Rather, it’s a by-product of having your stuff together in other areas of your life. It’s no wonder then that it’s frustrating to be told by your boss or your family and friends that you need to have more confidence or to ‘just BE’ more confident. Well, here’s the news honey, it ain’t that easy.


For those of you who have been told this and were left scratching your head, trying to figure out what was meant and how on earth you could flick a switch and suddenly wake up the next day as a more confident and self-assured person, hear me when I say - it’s nonsense.


You are not going mad; you are not crazy. If you’ve tried and haven’t succeeded, you are not a failure - you just haven’t landed on the right recipe…yet.


So, if confidence isn’t a ‘thing,’ what is it? Well, there’s an analogy that I like to use to demonstrate this point, and it’s that of a cocktail -well, this is The Way of The Diva, after all.

Confidence is a drink served to taste. Each is different, that’s the point.

STEP 1: 

Prepare your ingredients.


  • Self-Awareness: Knowledge of who you are and what makes you unique.

  • Values: The things that are important to you in how you live your life and how you are with others - the things that you stand for.

  • Boundaries: What you will and won’t tolerate from yourself and from others (the ‘self’ bit is important).

  • Goals/Priorities: Knowing where you are heading in life and what you want for yourself.

  • Assertiveness: Being able to stand up for yourself when required.

  • Strengths: Awareness of what gives you energy and makes you feel good.

  • Beliefs: Positive stories that you tell yourself about yourself.

  • Self-Esteem: A quiet knowing that you are worthy and are loved.

  • Self-Care: Investing time in yourself because you’re worth it!

  • Perspective: Being able to see the bigger picture, particularly when times get tough.

  • Support From Others: Knowing that you can rely on the support and backing of those around you.

  • And finally, a good splash of champagne; I’m just saying it helps.


STEP 2: 

Put it all into a shaker, add a good amount of ice and mix.


STEP 3: 

Serve, and this next bit is important, in a champagne saucer (a coupé), not a flute. Legend has it that the shape of this glass was modelled on Marie Antoinette’s breast - go figure.


You might find it helpful to cast your eyes over those ingredients again, this time whilst asking yourself these questions:


  • Which ingredients do I already have?

  • Which could do with topping up?

  • Which do I have fewer of?

  • Which did I have in the past but have since lost somewhere along the way?


And finally, because we can’t do it all. If you were to focus on getting your hands on one, maybe two, of these ingredients - which would they be? What difference would they make to you?


Throughout the book, I’ll touch on every single one of these ingredients. For now, just enjoy the process of reading and trust that whatever you want will come.


On the next few pages, I’ve included some quick, easy and hopefully fun techniques for topping up your confidence cocktail. If you like them, share them with a friend and enjoy them together.

Confidence isn’t thinking that you are better than anyone. It’s not having to compare yourself to anybody in the first place.

Thanks for reading. 

Adam

Confidence & Self-Belief Coach


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